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infertility thoughts from sandra
You know I was thinking as I was riding in the car tonight on the way home from the movies. I have spent most of my adult life desiring a child -preparing to be a mother, wishing -wanting...hoping to be a mother. At any moment --the rug of motherhood could be pulled out from under me...and I might never be a mom.
I guess maybe it's the lack of hormones, or maybe the problems that has me feeling kind of down right now...but I have longed for a child for so long...it seems like an unobtainable dream at times.
I call infertility my faith-busting problem. At times I don't know what to do --to pray or curse God. How is this fair again, I forget?
Rain and Sunlight --by sandra
Imagined if you lived somewhere in the rain...and everyday someone talked about seeing the sunlight, but you had never seen it. No matter how much you pretend that it doesn't bother you --you still have never seen it. Once you came close....but missed it. You have waited in a line for years, awaiting the chance that someday it would be your turn. People have come and gone...friends have since got up and walked into the sunlight and have forgotten me....lost in the darkness. Some people wonder why I still wish I could see the sunlight since I have lived in the darkness all my life. Some ask me if I still want to see it, thinking I have given up hope of seeing it. Some will never know the loss of waiting...., most will never understand the need to wait forever...., some can't understand why I try...
The saying says: "Water, water, everywhere --but none suitable to drink." The rain keeps coming although the ground never gets moist...I stand awaiting the sunlight. Maybe tomorrow I will catch a glimpse of it. Maybe someday I will feel the warm glow, or dream upon a rainbow...until then I wait and pray that someday I will see the sunlight.
Someday it will be my turn in the sun.